When I first moved to the Bay Area, I decided to make a list of all the things that were important to me in deciding whether to date someone.
The list was simple:
- He had to have been married
- He had to be single for two years minimum
- He had to have no children of age to be living at home
- He had to have no usage of drugs
- He had to be a smoker
I had dated a few men in my twenties who had never been married and they were one of two categories: 1) they were afraid of commitment 2) they were not good relationship mater because the were too independent. I was tired of training men how to be in a relationship only to have them move on to the next relationship and end up married.
If he had divorced less than two years, it was more likely he was still harboring ill will towards his ex-wife and I was not interested in listening to rantings about how poorly they faired in the divorce.
I had having my weekend plans canceled because of men’s children needing their attention. I agree the children should be their priority, just not mine.
I was exposed to my ex-husband’s abuse of marijuana and who knows what else, so I have no tolerance to drugs of any kind. They are a waste of time and energy and more than anything, the steal the life from those how use and all who are involved in their lives.
And as ridiculous as it was, I smoked two packs a day and I didn’t not take kindly to someone nagging me about quitting.
I could run through my list in less than 60 seconds. I knew right away whether it would be worth my time to pursue a conversation any longer than that.
Although that might seem judgmental, but why should I waste his time or mine when I knew what would work for me.