Long Term Single-dome

I have been single, without dating anyone, since 1998. I had what I considered an amazing relationship and without consciously deciding on whether to do so or not, I just stopped being aware of the possibility. I made excuses about my health, my brother’s care, my business being too time consuming, I never met anyone who interested me in that way, I wanted to concentrate on developing my projects, and every other excuse I could muster when asked why I never dated.

I actually don’t remember meeting anyone I would have wanted to date. Yes, my standards are higher than they were when I was in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, but the core issue had more to do with my interpretation of what it takes to be in a relationship.

I hear people say, “Relationships are hard work!”

I don’t think they need to be when both are on the same page. If a couple knows they are both working with the same purpose in mind, even when they are going in different directions, it isn’t hard work, its having a single purpose taking different routes. It has to do with respecting each other enough to know each person has the right to decide for themselves how they get there. What is effective for him, usually doesn’t work for her and vice a versa. And that should be okay! No one can be you and no one should try to force another person to be like them.

Its knowing the person you love and care about has to work through things in the way they are most comfortable.

Re-Bounding

Have you ever been involved with a relationship too soon after a breakup? I think everyone ends up jumping into a new relationship too rapidly after a rough breakup.

It took me a few weeks of driving from the Bay Area to Canada and down to San Diego before someone told me I must have Island fever. They said it would be best not to return to Hawaii and I agreed readily.

By this time I had developed my first list. It consisted of five items.

  1. He had to have been married
  2. He had to have been divorced 2 years
  3. He had to have no kids living at home
  4. He couldn’t do any drugs
  5. He had to be a smoker

I would go out with my friends and know within 2 minutes whether someone fit all five of my criteria.

I took a job in Lafayette within a the first couple months after settling into the Bay Area and one of my clients at the graphic design firm cam in every month to have his newsletter typeset. He asked me out the very first month he met me. I told him no, I’d never date anyone who drove a Cadillac. Personally I have nothing against the car but the people who drive them, in my personal observations are not as conscious as most people.

Six months later he asked me out, as was his practice and when I repeated “no thank you” and he said “but you’ll like my car now.”

He had asked my boss what my favorite car was and he purchased a Jaguar.

What could I say? Of course I said yes. We went out to dinner and stayed up talking until 3 am.

We were married 18 months later. He was the most considerate, inspirational and a true gentleman. I had never known anyone quite like him.