Talks Fondly of Parents: Them: Yes ___ No ___ When you beginning to get to know each other, listen to how they talk about their parents is a great insight to what you might expect from them within the realm of your relationship. If they don’t talk about the parents at all, there is bound to be some deep emotional baggage you will have to contend with at some later date.
If they talk poorly about their parents early on, you can expect the same emotional trepidation. Years ago I had a very close friend tell me how much he loathed his father for the way he had treated his mother while he and his brother were present. He championed his mother and later I was to discover that she was truly a lovely woman and a loving and caring mother. What disturbed me so greatly was that he never saw that his mother had as much to do with his witnessing the arguments and pain as his father.
Strangely, he was able to point out the same to me in reverse several years later. Then my little brother managed to get me to finally open my eyes to realizing that each parent has equal responsibility for the outcome of their children. Silence does not denote goodness when they are witnessing foul play.
In all the years I have searched for the meaning of why I was raised the way I was and why others had such a diverse set of experiences, I have only witnessed one healthy mother-daughter relationship. At least she claimed it was healthy!
All too often men have told me how they craved a close relationship with their father. Typically fathers begin in awe of their sons, grow to be critical of them and force distances that often lifetimes can not eliminate. It is hard to imagine how that could be carried on from one generation to the next.