Long Term

A friend of mine had been dating the same women for seven years. His background dictated that marriage was inevitable. They had lived together for a year; split up for six months, then came began dating exclusively. She accepted his engagement ring, but would never set the date for their wedding, even after two years. Eventually it wore him out. He dedicated him self to building their future life together. He felt he had no choice but to end the liaison.

I was close enough that I believe they each loved each dearly, but they were both holding on to two different sets of guidelines. Neither one was willing to budge. But I wonder if they will ever find anyone else as compatible as they were?

I’ve noticed there seems to be more women who are not willing to go through marriage a second time. They’ve become indifferent to the benefits of embracing love and relationship that they believe they are happier keeping one or more men at bay.

It was pointed out to me recently that it’s easier not being in a relationship. It’s less stress, more freedom and more fun.

That might be true if you can keep an intimate relationship at arm’s length, but I don’t believe that works for everyone. I was told that when we are not involved in an intimate relationship, we are isolating ourselves from very important growth processes.


Long Term

Rebound relationships are interesting. The have been many times that friends have told me, “I will never ever get married again!”

First off, never is impossible! Secondly, that’s just the pendulum swinging. When I met my second husband, his divorce had been final for a wisp over two years. He had sworn off matrimony. It hurt my feelings to think that he didn’t believe that I was worth the additional effort of marriage, but I was sufficient enough to live with.

That’s my core belief. It could be from my Catholic upbringing, but can’t blame everything on Catholicism, right? We lived together for 18 months when he asked me to marry him! Of course I said yes! What choice did I have! He had dangled the impossible in front me and I felt I had conquered it!

If you are cooling your heals and need the time to date to come back to ground zero (pendulum isn’t swinging), be up front about it. There’s nothing wrong with only dating. But make sure the other person knows what your position is. It is a very basic sign of respect.